JMJ

I think St. Augustine once said: Love is an act of the will. I believe it. What he fails to mention (ahhhhhhhh it's always in the fine print--isn't it??)is that the exertion of the aforementioned will can at times be daunting. You have to know yourself and be content with yourself to love. It can sometimes be amazingly difficult and require great courage to keep offering yourself to those you care about.

I have had the good fortune to have found great friendships over the course of these last few years, especially and an even greater fortune in who I married. The gifts that come from each relationship are a varied as the people themselves. One common denominator,in all them (though, I am sure there are more)is the presence I try to offer to the friendship. Failing at this is generally connected to stumbling over pride or self preservation.

For some reason it it hard to remember consistently to not bank a sense of self from the interaction with those I love. Though I can guess that this is a common occurence in all relationships. Even more daunting is to hear from a respected friend or spouse something which suggests what you offer is not valuable or no longer as valuable or just plain damn wrong. You can sucked into chasing those like rocks thrown in the bushes instead of holding fast to your own sense of self which is in fact one's first true love and for most us--the hardest person to love in the first place.

I think when you finally learn to love yourself then making that effort to care for someone else becomes less of a risk no matter how well recieved that effort is.