JMJ

It is raining here. Hard. Thunder makes my youngest jump a little, but Lassie is on and he is dead set on helping Lassie tell Timmy the sheep are out.....

Today I am grateful for:

a trip out of town

a job I may be able to do at home

the idea that leaving town sans children will give me a chance to wean Matthew

the thought that gone I won't get to embroiled in my own head about things that will eventually work themselves out without my interference--it may be that the sanest and most balnaced naturally carve out this kind of time on a regular basis and so come by this balance naturally...may have to work on that when I get back...

that all the kiddos at present are healthy

that I think I can finish this house up before I go and leave Tony in good shape

a wide circle of friends that all bring different things to the table...learning you don't have to eat what they bring --it may be that you are full, or allergic or just not in the mood for it..just being at table is enough to maintain the ties that bind---if I may go on with that little table analogy

mostly I am grateful for Tony who waits patiently and always for me to return to tone. I can take a theme and run variations redundant or unimaginative and not ever hear a cross word from him because I do. He just waits for me to figure things out and goes on living our life and getting things done. Thank goodness...nothing worse than mindfucking yourself in dirty clothes...

I waste alot of it. I use alot of it, but I waste alot of it,too. Peole alsways seem to think I am doing all this stuff all the time, but I can honestly say that my forward motion is matched only by the inertia I can experience, too.

Lately I have used a lot of my time to set up support for Marines in Iraq and a solider in Afghanistan...I dunno what the deal is, but I am completely fired up about making sure these peole know they are not forgotten.

Lately, I have been working on the house a bit and trying to get things in order so I can homeschool and just "be" in this house in a cmofortable way. In a way that I feel at peace with...I think that since I have not been able to find that peace yet I alo tend to distract myself with things that I seem to bring peace to me...like fighting...lol...yeah-- fighting you know sitcking up for the people that seem to need a champion. I am all for fighting the good fight where that is concerned...I even have one friend who swears I am at my personal best when I have a fight to fight.Though I guess the ones in my life that need championing the most are my own children. Most of the time I am happy with my own efforts, but I know there are times when I could do more for them. Hopefully, this recognition will affect the time I spend this year on championing them as well as I do strangers in foreign lands.

JMJ
THis is a fine topic to bring back a blog..huh? hatred wrapped in frustration and increduality...nice...but it is time to get back to journaling...

I never thought I would have much of an opinion about a group of people like I do this group of people I am reading about lately. The lengths they will go to to perpetuate themselves and their agendas. They are cowards who prey on the innocent in the name of a cause. Their personal interests and bloodlust only satisfied in atrocious acts on the innocent. Al Qaeda. Suffice to say after reading and reading and supporting my guys in Iraq I am developing my own lust for revenge on these vermin who have less humanity than pond scum. All I feel compelled to do is write my Marines and tell them to make sure they get all of them--to make sure it is slow and painful--but like they would really want to here that my outrage is borrowed from eyes and hearts that have seen. Mine have not. This alond I should be grateful for and yet I all I feel is guilt and a kind of collective urge to act. It is frightening that I have gone from care packages to wishing death for this organization. What they do to their own people and to local Iraqis has been hard to absorb and even more hard to categorizewor act on at this point. I wonder if we are going to fall into a terrible terrible war and whether or not anything good will come from what is happening in the Middle East. It has always been such third person kind of thoguht process where this topic is concerned. How could some inocuous support to Marines bring me to this kind of rage at something I can do nothing about? Or am I supposed to do something in my own universe??? What is it then??? I have no idea...I am still reeling from Michael Yon's dispatches and all he has wrote about...more later when I am not so sick to my stomach.