Power came on at noon.

Holy hell...

(and hellish it was.)

No one mentions more than the heat and eternal damnation of hell much,

but I am entirely certain hell also has 100% humidity and mosquitoes.

I wondered

as we were going on week 3 with no power

how long it would be

before one's mind acclimated to the discomfort?

I wasn't sure.

Well
only sure
that it sure as hell takes longer than a couple of weeks to acclimate to sudden changes in physical levels of comfort.

This called to mind
how different this is
from how long it takes to acclimate yourself to mental levels of discomfort...

Which in turn made me realize
you can't make the same distinction about mental discomfort
because most levels of mental discomfort don't come on suddenly...

those kinds are sneakier
I mean they are
for me anyway...
it's been a long slow process
I suppose.

I don't recommend in either case experiencing both kinds at the same time though...

You wind up making really sorry assed blogposts for one thing.



Normally,
(and I use that word loosely in references where I am involved )

I consider myself fairly low maintenance.
I don't have a lot of things that I need to make me happy in the worldly sense and I can put up with hassles, things breaking, not having something in the house work (member the sink? guess who's still screwing with that??)

and seriously.
No fancy haircuts, manicures or pedicures.
Not a big shopper.
Not a shopper period.
Not a jewelry hound
I think I have been given flowers twice in the last 16 years of marriage and 3 of dating.

.................
........


I wonder though if I am high maintenance in the mind sense?


It's starting to occur to me that I just might be.

I'm lousy at hanging in without some sort of feedback from my significant other.
I'm resentful at his attempts when it is so obviously herniating and dis pleasuring him when he does make one.

Truth: I am really pissed Tony had us stay for the storm. I did my best to mitigate my fear by being prepared,

but--
ack...
I was afraid for me and the kids
and thoroughly pissed that he couldn't see it
or very disappointed that he wouldn't
and that he didn't factor that into his decision,
when that is always what I do when I make decisions where he is concerned.

I frankly feel stupid for doing it--
not because of the give and take of it,

but because handling him this way may not be what he values in the first place.

Operating under this kind of false assumption puts me on the short school bus.
No lie.

Making sacrifices,
learning
stretching
bending
reaching

to do things or see things

or even accept things

that make no difference to him
one way or the other.

It feels pretty fucking stupid.

Obviously I have a serious problem with feeling not just stupid--

but
FUCKING STUPID.


I'll think about this more in AC and see if the analysis is any less harsh or potty mouthed.

I suspect it might be.

Though I wonder if it is because I'm being bought off by the change in my worldly state (read here humidity/temperature levels)

or a change in my mental one...snort.

which I will no further delve into today.