I know I fly around on this blog diving deep and intense one minute
and then skimming pithy and smartassed the next.
It's a clear indication.
of what.
I don't know.
anyway.
This is one of those posts which won't be too synaptically challenging,
but still...this topic irritates the F out of me
no.
doubt.
so I'm laying on out there for public consumption
and perhaps a certain degree of perspective shaping
cause
it's never going to change
I am absolutely certain it has been a mystery ever since they were invented
even before the damn washing machine was invented I bet.
Some woman beating clothes on a rock
watched them float by on the stream and thought...
ummmmm that mama a couple of rocks over is going to be soooo PISSED when she starts hanging her crap up!
or maybe she just stole them
as they did float on by to use with the ones
she didn't have a match to
I dunno...
this isn't a morality post...
this is just a post where I get to say
SON OF A BITCH!!!
Where the hell do missing socks go?
WHERE?
I want to know...
as a matter of fact at the end of my time on Earth
if there is a heaven
and a God taking any kind of questions or offering any kind of debriefing...
(though if I was doing his PR I would counsel heavily against it)
the first thing I am going to ask is
where the freaking hell do the missing socks in a pair REALLY go...
dammit.
WHERE?
Only I probably won't cuss.
it being God and all
first impressions will be important you know.
what's my first comment, you ask?
easy.
I'm going to want to know why we have to have the babies AND the PMS.
There's a miscarriage of justice for you...okay THAT's another post, too.
Where was I???
This post is to point out that I went through the ENTIRE house,
which was clean because I am just that OCD post Ike
and I looked for those sons of bitches in all their usual hideouts...
I suspect they throw in with the children,
though what they get out of that very sick relationship is beyond me...
knowing I was going to have to deal with the whole Where the Hell Are All the Socks scenario
I took a lot of extra time rounding them up.
I looked under beds, behind dressers, in toy bins, stuffed under couch cushions, I even found some under the kitchen sink...
geez
still after a major sweep through the house
and 10 hours of laundry I still had 14 missing socks...
FOURTEEN people!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF?
Are these recon socks...
do they like
learn how to camoflauge themselves?
if so
HOW the hell would they do that???
HEEELLLLOOOOO
they are mostly white....
NOTHING in my house is that white
'cept maybe the nasty bread Tony makes me buy for his breakfast...
I just wanna know...
what kind of underground racket is behind all the missing socks???
Seems like if it's that big of an operation
I'd hear some sort of theme music when that shit goes down...
like Mission Impossible or something I dunno.
It's not like they are leaving ransom notes,
or making some sort of political statement...
I'm not getting tapes in the mail of missing pairs
writhing in the bottom of laundry baskets
or ransom demands in the name of liberation organizations.
Sneaky bastards...
Usually
I don't do laundry
Tony does it.
I'm glad.
I couldn't take this kind of aggravation on a weekly basis.
I can't afford the liquor I would need to do the damn laundry week in and week out.
I barely stave off facial tics when a puzzle piece goes missing from one of Matthew's Star Wars scenes.
Gheesh.
I'm taking off my shoes,
duct taping my socks to the bottom of the laundry hamper
and having a drink.
and then skimming pithy and smartassed the next.
It's a clear indication.
of what.
I don't know.
anyway.
This is one of those posts which won't be too synaptically challenging,
but still...this topic irritates the F out of me
no.
doubt.
so I'm laying on out there for public consumption
and perhaps a certain degree of perspective shaping
cause
it's never going to change
I am absolutely certain it has been a mystery ever since they were invented
even before the damn washing machine was invented I bet.
Some woman beating clothes on a rock
watched them float by on the stream and thought...
ummmmm that mama a couple of rocks over is going to be soooo PISSED when she starts hanging her crap up!
or maybe she just stole them
as they did float on by to use with the ones
she didn't have a match to
I dunno...
this isn't a morality post...
this is just a post where I get to say
SON OF A BITCH!!!
Where the hell do missing socks go?
WHERE?
I want to know...
as a matter of fact at the end of my time on Earth
if there is a heaven
and a God taking any kind of questions or offering any kind of debriefing...
(though if I was doing his PR I would counsel heavily against it)
the first thing I am going to ask is
where the freaking hell do the missing socks in a pair REALLY go...
dammit.
WHERE?
Only I probably won't cuss.
it being God and all
first impressions will be important you know.
what's my first comment, you ask?
easy.
I'm going to want to know why we have to have the babies AND the PMS.
There's a miscarriage of justice for you...okay THAT's another post, too.
Where was I???
This post is to point out that I went through the ENTIRE house,
which was clean because I am just that OCD post Ike
and I looked for those sons of bitches in all their usual hideouts...
I suspect they throw in with the children,
though what they get out of that very sick relationship is beyond me...
knowing I was going to have to deal with the whole Where the Hell Are All the Socks scenario
I took a lot of extra time rounding them up.
I looked under beds, behind dressers, in toy bins, stuffed under couch cushions, I even found some under the kitchen sink...
geez
still after a major sweep through the house
and 10 hours of laundry I still had 14 missing socks...
FOURTEEN people!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF?
Are these recon socks...
do they like
learn how to camoflauge themselves?
if so
HOW the hell would they do that???
HEEELLLLOOOOO
they are mostly white....
NOTHING in my house is that white
'cept maybe the nasty bread Tony makes me buy for his breakfast...
I just wanna know...
what kind of underground racket is behind all the missing socks???
Seems like if it's that big of an operation
I'd hear some sort of theme music when that shit goes down...
like Mission Impossible or something I dunno.
It's not like they are leaving ransom notes,
or making some sort of political statement...
I'm not getting tapes in the mail of missing pairs
writhing in the bottom of laundry baskets
or ransom demands in the name of liberation organizations.
Sneaky bastards...
Usually
I don't do laundry
Tony does it.
I'm glad.
I couldn't take this kind of aggravation on a weekly basis.
I can't afford the liquor I would need to do the damn laundry week in and week out.
I barely stave off facial tics when a puzzle piece goes missing from one of Matthew's Star Wars scenes.
Gheesh.
I'm taking off my shoes,
duct taping my socks to the bottom of the laundry hamper
and having a drink.
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1 comments:
Okay, I can really relate to this problem. You see I am the ONLY person who does the clothes washing in our house. The only person who loads and empties the machine etc. In fact, I think the only time my husband and son touch socks is to put them on their feet in the morning and then take them off at the end of the day. Then they just leave the rolled up socks near each other. Then I pick them up, then put them in wash and then somehow in the machine they get divorced, separated etc. And, my husband says that I should leave the unpaired socks in the drawer and eventually they will meet up (like a single's party or something). I never lose matching pairs of my socks since I bought ten pairs of identical black socks. BUT, I did lose one of the aforementioned black socks - never have I seen it again and I live in a small house, not many places a sock would be put. Once I saw a little device that you clipped onto a pair of socks just prior to putting it into the machine, the idea being they would stay together for the entire wash and subsequent drying. But I was single then and did not give a shit about lost socks - if only I knew then what I know now. I would have bought 500 of the devices.