So here's the kind of workout puke fests are made of...

Warm up 440 run

"Tabata" Weighted Squats- 20sec work, 10sec break with weight for 4 minutes. Essentially, the really monster Crossfitters in this gym just go up and down like a jack in the box on crack. I notice I am having more crack-like moments , but I am still working on a deep squat and a straighter back. The break on this exercise was holding the bumper over your head for the 10 seconds. I should have savored it more, because it was the only break in the workout which you could really call a break.

When we were done getting our asses tabated (someone I know used 'tabata' as a verb...love it), the trainer said, "Okay, hit it! Another 440." Whah??

Okay, here's a sign of improvement, while my quads were shot to hell by the tabata beat down, I got out to the street and realized I wasn't going to fall down this time. Well I mean I had a deep meaningful discussion with them that sounded like this:

"Well, ladies, how are we doing down there?"
Quads: "uhhh Hellllooooo....how the hell do you think we are?
"Ummm tired?"
Quads: "No sh*t sherlock."
"Well so look.. ummm...there's about 20 other folks here today-- what say you give me some sorta idea on the chance of impending humiliation? Last time I ate it in the parking lot the audience was much, much smaller."
Quads:"Fine. Fine...we'll run but you owe us."

Whew...this meant I was just going to run NUMB. After 100 yards I also realized I might just finish this run without being the last one in the door. Don't get me wrong-- I love last.
Last out of bookstore,
last out of bed--woohoo--
but last out the gym door and not last back was pretty satisfying. I'm not gonna lie.


5min Sand Bag GetUps
Okay so here's the story on a sand bag get up...(after about 3 or 4 I call them Sandbag Get the Hellouttaheres)...Essentially you have this 25 pound duffel bag full of sand. You start on your back and as you get up it's on your shoulder. One hand is on the ground for balance, one foot is in front of you for balance and you use the opposite hand to hold onto the bag and the opposite foot under you to push to a stand. My motions are NOT fluid and my balance SUCKS. I look like I'm rolling all over the floor trying to make out with a duffel bag if I had to guess or maybe like I am trying to fight it off...dunno...suffice to say it ain't pretty.

After five minutes of getups--and not the hit the snooze button kind of five minutes--man! why? why is that? After 5 minutes of those get ups we go to step ups for the same amount of time. Incidentally, as much as I hate steps ups, after getups, those suckers feel like a break. I almost want to get down on my knees and hug that ^%$# step up box. It's sick.

"Tabata" Bottom to Bottom Weighted Squats
I'm wondering if they aren't going to have us hit the pavement again when they call time on the step ups and instead find myself back in Tabata land, the place of perpetual squats. I had to laugh maniacally by this time when it was explained that we would be taking our 10 second break in the squat position.

Every twenty seconds of rapid fire squats with weights she would shout,"Break!" I found, in my beat up state of mind, I would hear the word 'break' and have this time lapse in processing the word and then reminding myself that there wasn't one. It was a twisted kind of funny-- what with that and at the end hearing three of four folks sounding like they are in labor as they hold that squat. Hell yeah, I am sure I threw in my share of grunts. Still... Searing pain makes a lot of things funny.

x 6 100ft sprints (finish with 100ft Lunge Walk back)
Finally we head outside. Seems wind sprints will top off the workout. Half a dozen that start with you lying on the ground face down arms over your head or on your back in the same way. The first couple I was still numb from the squats again, but then I got to where I could roll faster, dig my heels in and find myself in that low slightly off balance place you dig your way out of to a flat out run. It's like a slow fight-your-way-out-of-a-trip start. It was fun. I mean it was fun to dig your way out of falling and find yourself pounding the pavement and not having a face to face with the pavement.
The only thing un-fun about this last part were the lunges at the end. Ugh. Lunges. The only worse than lunges are lunges when you can't feel the lower half of your body...they require core and quad strength and good balance.
I don't have too much of that.
Yet.


Postscript...one of the things I forget on the long drive home is how dirty I get at the gym. Generally, I'll have to stop in someplace for milk or another errand and I only notice the dirty shirt when I am getting BACK in the car. Well I guess it's better than spit up or boogers right?Especially since unlike the other previously described organic material, the dirt I put on all by my lonesome.