Crossfit

My workout was terrible today.
No.
Not too hard.
Too easy.
and this is after I asked the trainer to bump the numbers up.

Which she did and even as she did I quashed the compulsion to tell her, "Ummm maybe just a bit more--? Or "Hey, I don't really think I need this modified. I can do the regular workout."

...nine minutes later I was done.

Nine minutes later I was disgusted
with the workout
and with myself.

I went to another part of the gym and worked another WOD.
I won't keep my mouth shut next time.

Hope, mid-sloppy ass burpee

I caught my 3 year old peeing into a sandwich bag out on the back porch.You heard me. P_E_E_I_N_G. Uhhh...no I didn't get a picture of that, but I'm sure the old hag in the corner lot did. I expect CPS any day.

My son Jacob has the attention span of a gnat. I know I look at him and give direction or ask a question and while he looks like he is with me....THE BOY AIN'T WITH ME. Arggggggghhhh. I feel nuts.

I worked out too hard and waaaaay wrong yesterday and so when I went to Crossfit today, (naturally there is no traffic so I get there nice and early) I got to watch with great detail all the brutality they had planned for the class about to start. I stretched, making sure I put no mental blood in the water...yup that's me cooooool as a cucumber...inside I am creating trajectories for where I can work out in the gym which will give the most expeditious access to the back door and or the toilet and making a mental note to get before and after shots of my knees. They stay in various stages of f-d up. CF was as brutal as I expected. 'Course my degree of Wienerness makes it so. At one point I think I saw a bright light and one of my dead relatives.

Second in Command Boss Lady at the post office was nasty to the clerk trying to help me. I asked SCBL nicely...yes, I was NICE-- to back up and cut the clerk some slack. I wasn't in a hurry, no one was hurt, I didn't mind and since I am the customer neither should she--she pointed out that folks were waiting to which I responded let's just get it right for those 20 odd Marines and soldiers who are waiting for another letter and probably not in air-conditioning. It really was alright I told her. I can't wait to talk to the clerk later...I thought she was going to pee herself.

I took the kids to get haircuts. We are at the This Is My Life How Come You Pick My Haircut stage. We are also at the Because I Said So Stage.



My jarheads in Africa sent me some cool tshirts to PT in and a card which their all the guys in the shop signed. I was floored...I'm usually on the other end of MAIL. Thanks boys I've already broken in one of them. See?Glad you had fun at Go Karts. You boys finally got a night off! Thanks for the pics. L to R is Jean, Joe and Shaun.
Tony bought some perfume for me and left it on my computer chair for no reason at all. I think the last time he did that we were dating. Cool eh? It smells nice, too.


I am still trying to shop for clothes. The thing is I don't want to shop too much...I dunno where I'm going to level off and well...OK OK OK!!! I hate shopping HATE IT...I go into those department stores and my eyes glaze over and when they aren't glazed over I am pretty sure most of the stuff I get a look at I wouldn't' wear anyway especially for the price. I could send mail for a month for what they want for some of this stuff...ack. And what is with all these crazy patterns, shirt dresses and 70's crap? I'm only pissing and moaning because we have to go see the relatives this weekend and I keep putting off finding a dress which means shoes, and whatever else. Men have it so much easier...lucky dogs.

Like Hippy I am not ready to say much else...yeah like this post was soooo succinct, but suffice to say, my sleep sucks. I think it has to do with perspective myopia, insecurities and having to learn all new things lately. It's not that I don't' actually like all the new things...I'm just whiney about the fallout. It's a draining business. Incidentally, I am pretty much good with being in other people's business I just never figure out my own what with the whole myopic thing.

This is a burpee. Go ahead...play it. You know you wanna. I should warn you though--don't let the cute name fool you. I also call it the Barfee. Today we did these, but in between each one we did a broad jump instead of the straight jump. The broad jump puts you in a squat which goes to the push up where the burpee started. It doesnt' seem like that bad of a combo, but five into 3 rounds 20-15-10 of burpees, thrusters, dead lifts and jumping lunges, it suddenly occured to me what repeatedly throwing around 140 pounds actually feels like. Size sooooo does matter here...MY size.

This is called a thruster. I used 2 twelve pound weights. Once again they take a tough exercise and add a squat to it. At first I had 65 pounds on the first round...but I was certain if I tried to do that again on the second round the bar would fall on my head and give me a lobotomy.

Incidentally, it has been over 24 hours since I have mentioned this: Squats are the bane of my existence. But they are kind of like tomato in southern Italian cuisine...you aren't going to do much Crossfit cooking without a squat.

Between the broad jump burpees and thrusters, I was positively giddy to get to dead lifts and jumping lunges.

Mostly this WOD was un-fun because there were only two of us working out and 5 trainers standing there watching me drip sweat all over the floor as ungracefully as humanly possible. The other guy was done waaaaaaaaay earlier than me. In certain circumstances and depending on where it is coming from I like attention. This wasn't one of those circumstances.

I love this program. Love it. But there are stages of childbirth that go easier than some of this stuff. No lie. Mostly, I prefer thrashing myself in obscurity as opposed to having a rapt audience at least I will until I can call myself a Crossfitter with a straight face.

So here's the kind of workout puke fests are made of...

Warm up 440 run

"Tabata" Weighted Squats- 20sec work, 10sec break with weight for 4 minutes. Essentially, the really monster Crossfitters in this gym just go up and down like a jack in the box on crack. I notice I am having more crack-like moments , but I am still working on a deep squat and a straighter back. The break on this exercise was holding the bumper over your head for the 10 seconds. I should have savored it more, because it was the only break in the workout which you could really call a break.

When we were done getting our asses tabated (someone I know used 'tabata' as a verb...love it), the trainer said, "Okay, hit it! Another 440." Whah??

Okay, here's a sign of improvement, while my quads were shot to hell by the tabata beat down, I got out to the street and realized I wasn't going to fall down this time. Well I mean I had a deep meaningful discussion with them that sounded like this:

"Well, ladies, how are we doing down there?"
Quads: "uhhh Hellllooooo....how the hell do you think we are?
"Ummm tired?"
Quads: "No sh*t sherlock."
"Well so look.. ummm...there's about 20 other folks here today-- what say you give me some sorta idea on the chance of impending humiliation? Last time I ate it in the parking lot the audience was much, much smaller."
Quads:"Fine. Fine...we'll run but you owe us."

Whew...this meant I was just going to run NUMB. After 100 yards I also realized I might just finish this run without being the last one in the door. Don't get me wrong-- I love last.
Last out of bookstore,
last out of bed--woohoo--
but last out the gym door and not last back was pretty satisfying. I'm not gonna lie.


5min Sand Bag GetUps
Okay so here's the story on a sand bag get up...(after about 3 or 4 I call them Sandbag Get the Hellouttaheres)...Essentially you have this 25 pound duffel bag full of sand. You start on your back and as you get up it's on your shoulder. One hand is on the ground for balance, one foot is in front of you for balance and you use the opposite hand to hold onto the bag and the opposite foot under you to push to a stand. My motions are NOT fluid and my balance SUCKS. I look like I'm rolling all over the floor trying to make out with a duffel bag if I had to guess or maybe like I am trying to fight it off...dunno...suffice to say it ain't pretty.

After five minutes of getups--and not the hit the snooze button kind of five minutes--man! why? why is that? After 5 minutes of those get ups we go to step ups for the same amount of time. Incidentally, as much as I hate steps ups, after getups, those suckers feel like a break. I almost want to get down on my knees and hug that ^%$# step up box. It's sick.

"Tabata" Bottom to Bottom Weighted Squats
I'm wondering if they aren't going to have us hit the pavement again when they call time on the step ups and instead find myself back in Tabata land, the place of perpetual squats. I had to laugh maniacally by this time when it was explained that we would be taking our 10 second break in the squat position.

Every twenty seconds of rapid fire squats with weights she would shout,"Break!" I found, in my beat up state of mind, I would hear the word 'break' and have this time lapse in processing the word and then reminding myself that there wasn't one. It was a twisted kind of funny-- what with that and at the end hearing three of four folks sounding like they are in labor as they hold that squat. Hell yeah, I am sure I threw in my share of grunts. Still... Searing pain makes a lot of things funny.

x 6 100ft sprints (finish with 100ft Lunge Walk back)
Finally we head outside. Seems wind sprints will top off the workout. Half a dozen that start with you lying on the ground face down arms over your head or on your back in the same way. The first couple I was still numb from the squats again, but then I got to where I could roll faster, dig my heels in and find myself in that low slightly off balance place you dig your way out of to a flat out run. It's like a slow fight-your-way-out-of-a-trip start. It was fun. I mean it was fun to dig your way out of falling and find yourself pounding the pavement and not having a face to face with the pavement.
The only thing un-fun about this last part were the lunges at the end. Ugh. Lunges. The only worse than lunges are lunges when you can't feel the lower half of your body...they require core and quad strength and good balance.
I don't have too much of that.
Yet.


Postscript...one of the things I forget on the long drive home is how dirty I get at the gym. Generally, I'll have to stop in someplace for milk or another errand and I only notice the dirty shirt when I am getting BACK in the car. Well I guess it's better than spit up or boogers right?Especially since unlike the other previously described organic material, the dirt I put on all by my lonesome.

WOD (workout of the day*)
*Modified (Read here: if this were school, right now I'd be one of those kids on the short school bus. I joke about it from a former teacher's perspective but in all seriousness...that's the thing about CF -- Anyone can do this, they are careful to scale it to your fitness level. Intensity has nothing to do with ability. I am already noticing an increase in stamina and recovery time after a couple of weeks.)

x 2
10 Burpees (a hellish thing that involves a deep squat thrust to a splayed pushup, chest to floor, back to a squat up to pop up--arms over head and jump off the ground. Incidentally, one this is never a series of four fluid movements, for me it's about 8 to 9 very ungraceful ones and two, I never feel like burping, but I've thrown up in my mouth a few times...)
50 Jump Rope
25 Squats
10 Sit ups
15 KB Swings (L/R) (this involves a semi squat, swinging the weight between your leg and as you come up bringing the weight up to head level)
10 Pull ups (band or ring)
10 Box Jumps
10 Push ups
**400m Run**

This was Monday's workout.


Today's warm up- about 15 minutes give or take a minute or two.
Iron crosses (arms out, r foot to left hand without moving your torso, l foot to right hand same way.)
Scorpions (same as iron crosses, but on your belly)
Squats
Burpees
X3

The thing about the CF warm up is that it is misnamed--I mean it's misnamed in that it's an understatement for me at this point. By the time I am actually done with the 'warm up', I am sweating through my shirt, off my face ONTO my shirt and I am pretty sure I'm a nice shade of pink.

Today's WOD consisted of 25 of each:
Squats
Pull ups
2 sets of sit ups
2 sets push ups
alternating with a run after each set of exercises. The first 4 runs were 440s and the second 4 runs were 220s. My clothes stayed on, I didn't bleed, fall or throw up where it was visible to others. It did take me 35 minutes...

A lady came up to me as I was doing my pull ups and said, "Hey you're smart. You picked the bar closest to the door...I didn't have the heart to tell her, "I'm by the door in case I can't make it to the bathroom to ralph, I can at least I make it outside..." Heck who wants to be thought of as nauseous (and all the potentiality that includes) when they can think you're sharp instead?

Another guy ran me in so I made my 35 minute goal. "Come on, dig deep" takes on a whole new meaning now. Usually, I think I'd say it when I'm serving myself a big bowl of ice cream. lol
Seriously, I think I must have borrowed this guy's giddyup, because I coulda sworn by that second mile mine had already headed back to the barn. This is another difference I think about CF. It is such a crosssection of people and abilities, but they are all working hard and supportive of one another and demanding of 100% effort. Like one man said today, "When you are done, it doesn't matter how much you did or weight you lifted. At the end of the workout everyone feels the same way. Everyone has pushed as hard as they could."
'

I am really loving this!

I came down with cold.
and I'm sore,
of course--the sore part I like,
but I wasn't about to NOT show for the workout.

I tend to play sick little games with myself when I think I need something extrinsic to motivate myself.

In this case here was today's moto. This is Tony's old USMC boot camp tshirt.

I showed.

I showed in the Tshirt Tony said I could have as long as I brought it no shame. lol.
Sigh.
Once a jarhead always a jarhead.
Brought it no shame, huh?
Now we can't have THAT now can we?
Incidentally, aside from my dear husband/jarhead there are other Marines I know who would stand in line behind him to give me grief, if I went wienie in any garment with USMC affiliation.

We really can't have that.

The warm up was particularly brutal and unusually long. The scuttlebutt is that Wednesday is the big burn day. I would have to concur after the fact as would most of my major muscle groups.

Things I forgot:

I suck at jumping rope.

When I am pushing through something I close my eyes...not a good idea with these kinds of workouts.

How bad running into high wind can slap your backside

oh yeah and

That I had scabs on my knees when they asked me to switch from pushups from the feet to the knees. Owiee...throw in a really rugged Charley horse when the trainer said wrap your ankles around one another and the only thing that stood between me and a crying jag was the tshirt promise and having to know forever a workout made me cry.

Can you say ROT IN HELL first?

I knew you could.

So wanting a non-gelatinous bod has led me to pick this hardcore fitness regimen called CrossFit. I have been working on weight loss and some PT for about a year, but nothing like this. Though I suspect wanting something ultra physical, stripped down and brutal are other reasons it speaks to me. The program has had an underground following for a few years and is beginning to become more popular.

I have one thing to say about CF:
CF = P.A.I.N.
Okay two-no, three things to say:
I love it.
It's a perfect fit for me.

I have only been just a little while and so the brutality of the workout is still quite fresh. It still has that whole new car smell-- 'course the smell isn't some version of factory plastic and upholstery, it's more like blood and sweat.

Zen Traveler brought it to my attention and then later when I made some inquiries with my milfolk turns out several of them are pretty involved in it, too. Well, of COURSE, they were.

The first workout involved them putting me through my paces. Uh huh.
It didn't take long.

The trainers warmed me up with squats from the seventh circle of hell and then put me to do pullups. Incidentally, up suggests defying gravity and after 20 squats gravity became the enemy to overcome. By the time the warm up-read here- frontal assault was over my quads were not on speaking terms with my brain...well...they were, but the language was offensive.

At one point I get out to the parking lot for the running portion of the workout and I'm thinking surely by the time I get the few meters out to where the trainer with the stopwatch is, my muscles will stop twitching and shrieking "what the hell is going on out there??!"..... It won't feel like I am balancing my torso on such wobbly stilts....NOOOOOOOOPE!!

The masochis...I mean the trainer says go and I comply, too bad the rest of me doesn't. Next thing I know I am on my butt re-experiencing gravity. Like I didn't get it the first time.

So while I am 'walking' aka getting an idea of what it must feel like to only have control over half of the ligaments and tendons in my lower body, I'm assuming trainer #1 is going back into the gym to take bets I will be driving off in my station wagon any minute.

NOT.
I was prepared to crawl on my hands and knees if I had to, but NO WAY was I not sucking it up. Failure was not an option though humiliation seemed to be requisite.

So I have been walking/jogging a couple two or three miles over the weekend, trying to stretch and remembering what it was like to workout and push myself physically.

I'll talk about it more, but suffice to say at the end, they wanted to know if I wanted my check back. Sometimes it happens they said. The main trainer was watching expressionless. I looked at all three and I squashed my 'look you ....I have had 3 ten pound babies at home and can work standing up 48 hours at a time, you can take that check and..."
Nope.
I didn't go there.
They don't know how me very well.
so
I did something unusual.
I just gritted my teeth and instead said,
"No. Keep it. I'll see you Monday."