I've been pulling the technological equivalent of balling up posts and using them to make free throws into the trashbasket where this How to Support your Adoptee post is concerned. I was trying to watch my tone and not offend, but people if I keep it up I'll develop a rash!
I'd tell you I have been driven to drink over it, but I've been on too many OTCs and monitoring 
my kiddos' OTCs this week to pull that hallucinogenic stunt...not to say I haven't entertained the idea a couple of times.
Science project potentialities aren't the only thing which should be taken into consideration when you and your Significant Other family plan. One should also consider the impact of illness on one's psyche. Namely the mommy's pysche. She's the only one not allowed to get sick. Read here: It's been ugly 'round here.
Combine that with the dreaded monthly hormonal fluctuation, fluctuating waaaay early and with deadly-for-my-husband vengeance, I might add, and I have to say I'm
Yes. You saw that right. I just turned drinking, overmedication, ordinance and the curse of womanhood--nay, one curse of womanhood, into a happy thing. Hormones are multifaceted you know. How do I know? I know because now we are going to throw in Marines and philanthropy and me bossing you around in here 'cause this post isn't twisted enough!
Speaking of twisted. Let's talk Marines.
I have found in doing milsupport, that Marines, or any outfit out on the tip of the spear actually share some commonalities. (Gimme a break Mike, I said SOME. Don't get your cammies in a bunch.) I'm more reluctant to talk about other service branches since I have far less experience with those particular animals. I was probably drinking and on some sort of OTC concoction when I thought to myself. "Self, which branch should we pick to lay our good graces on?" Course, Dad being a Marine and all kinda made it a no brainer though there was my own Army family background to consider. But again, I digress.
I'm steeped in female hormones remember? Whaddaya want from me?
Here are some commonalities as I see them. Your mileage may vary.
They aren't going to tell you much. These folks out sweating their asses off in 80 pds of gear and sand it will take several years to divest themselves of completely won't tell their mothers much more than they and their buddies are ok and good to go most times so don't expect them to say more than that to you. Self/unit reliance is interwined and hammered into their brains at their Marine birth. All other births are immaterial. If they say anything at all if you get into contact, you are one lucky supporter. In the three years I've worked support I have half a dozen people I still stay in contact with. With this project we have taken care of over 300. I leave you to do the math. It was my worst subject.
They live in a kind of groundhog day situation and have no sense of time the way you do. Day of the week, holiday, weekend are not relevant where they are. Date your letters. Just because you send them chronologically doesn't mean they get them that way. Which reminds me. Learn about where they are. It's called the internet. Use it. It's amazing what you can learn about your adoptee, even if he or she never mutters a written or electronic word. A couple of lines on a message board about how power strips were a big ticket item for a particualr FOB made for some well received packages with a Heavy Mechanic Marines shop.They already have their friends at home and their buddies there. Help if you like, but it doesn't make you best friends.
Things falling through, not going as planned or blossoming into the standard issued clusterf***s are expected by most in the military. Their expectations are fairly low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you say you will do. If you don't follow through throughout their deployment, congratulations, you just helped lower their expectations even further and that they didn't sign on for.
Don't wait to do the perfect letter or package!!!
Put a box under your desk at work or on the counter in the kitchen or by the table where you dump your keys and cell.Wherever. When you see something that makes you smile get it and throw it in box. Don't overthink it. What if they think you're weird? Two thoughts on that. One, you probably are. So what? Two, if you weren't you wouldn't be worried about what a stranger 7000 miles away who will prolly never stop what they are doing long enough to say hi anyway thinks about you anyway. Keeping themselves and their buddies alive, staying hydrated, unblown up or shot and focused on the mission at hand kinda takes precedent over them forming an opinion about you.
Okay I know there's more, but I think I'll leave it go and step down off my soapbox. I'd like to address one other thing though.
Poor you say? Don't know if you can afford it?
Half-Price Books and stores like it sell magazines for pennies on the dollar. Your adoptee won't care if the magazine is a couple of months old, they care if it's a magazine about how to store breastmilk. Just pick stuff with guns, hot chicks, sports, fighting, martial arts, cars, hunting or fishing on the cover and your good to go. What? Worried about the stereotyping here? Get over it. Keep your audience in mind. Mostly men, between 18 and 25 who said to themselves one day. "Hmmm I think I'll join the service. They'll let me play with ammo and wear camouflage."
Dub morning radio or some TV. Jackass, Girls next Door, Battlestar Galactica,Heroes, Southland,Pimp My Ride that late Saturday night airing of Road Warrior, UFC, MMA, anything on Versus or any other man channel for that matter. For what you buy a Starbuck's Chai Latte Grande you can drop a burned DVD in a gift card-letter sized envelope, throw in some smart ass rendition of the top reasons why a kid and terrorist are alike into a letter four times. And the DVD at the very least is the kind of thing they can share with their buddies and trade for other things after they have watched it a hundred times.
Be consistent.
Be Persistent.
Keep asking them to tell you what you can send even though you probably won't hear about it unless you get lucky with some outfits and some irrascible congenial Point of Contact shows some mercy caves and gives the gouge out of desperate need for peace from a pain in the ass supporter love for his men.
When they don't, just send them a nice fluffy Big Bird sweater or some Hello Kitty shower shoes.
Sooner or later you'll hear back or about what you sent.
And if you never do, it won't make the stories they tell about their crazy milsupporter any less likely.
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Edit: Just heard from one of my former adoptees. Evidently, he reads this blog, because my Paypal account has more dollars in it than it did this morning. Thanks Smitty. It was a generous donation. Mostly I'm glad to know you are still around and thanks for the cash! I'll make sure I take good care of your brothers with it. xo Hope.
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9 comments:
Great post! My friends who are now in the Sandbox are grateful for any kind of mail; it breaks the monotony. It also brings to mind a quote I read once about how Marines love to get mail but hate to write letters. Go figure.
Hope...that's good advice. I'm glad you posted about it.
I got so discouraged when one Mr. Marine wouldn't write back...and we knew nothing. Then one day (20 letters and several boxes later...) he sends a picture of his brand new baby girl. Awwww...
I sure hope you guys are feeling better...who is that alien posessing Matthew? yikes.
Mother's Day better be good after that...
You hear me boys?
All great advice! I've got a few months of state-side activations coming up, then the big jump over the pond. excited for me?
Porn is always good!
I like the look too!
Be consistent. Be Persistent.
Of all the things you said, that struck me as most important.
Hope,
Well said...coming from a guy with more time over here then I care to remeber and more supporters then I can name (lets not talk about the stack of should have been writen thank you letters) I will say the advice rings so true because you are the best Mil-Supporter anybody could ask for! Another little hit supporters might consider is getting a email address and making sure they dudes get it. It makes it alot easier to type out a quick thank you while you are doing something else then to hand write a letter and carry it around for a month before you remeber what that blue box infront of the chow hall is for...
As for the donation I am sure it will go to do great things as that seems all you are capabile of when you get fired up and I am sure the guys from your unit will reep the untold beenies from you! And again as I said I am not a shopper and want to make sure the "family" is taking care of!
Happy Mothers Day Hope!
Smitty Out!
PS any of your guys swing through my part of the sandbox let them know they have a hot shower and a steak waiting on them if they have the time!
Hope got a saved round here.... There is a great article on ESPN about SSgt "Wojo" writen by Gene Wojo (no relation). The Marine the peice is about was an EOD tech over here that I support. It is a great lose to our "family" and to the great Country he served and ultimatly made the the greatest sacerfice for. Please keep him in your prayers.
Smitty
As you know Hope, I did the marine AND airman thing, and you are right, two different animals. I did "my" war in the air force and glad I did, but I definitely experienced "The Groundhog DAy effect." Days ran together, broken up only when they told us another holiday was upon us. There was no internet back then and satphones were iffy and expensive. As far as magazines, I'm ashamed to say I enjoyed the "People" genre the most. Other than that I read lots of history and biography. Funny thing right? I HATE people! And the older I get the more I do. (presently company excluded of course).
Thanks for this post girl. You rock.
And Amen.