I've been pulling the technological equivalent of balling up posts and using them to make free throws into the trashbasket where this How to Support your Adoptee post is concerned. I was trying to watch my tone and not offend, but people if I keep it up I'll develop a rash!

I'd tell you I have been driven to drink over it, but I've been on too many OTCs and monitoring my kiddos' OTCs this week to pull that hallucinogenic stunt...not to say I haven't entertained the idea a couple of times.

Science project potentialities aren't the only thing which should be taken into consideration when you and your Significant Other family plan. One should also consider the impact of illness on one's psyche. Namely the mommy's pysche. She's the only one not allowed to get sick. Read here: It's been ugly 'round here.

Combine that with the dreaded monthly hormonal fluctuation, fluctuating waaaay early and with deadly-for-my-husband vengeance, I might add, and I have to say I'm relieved pretty damn proud of staying out of the nearest bell tower with high powered weaponry. A MIRV had nothing on me these last few days. All I needed was a target--not really I would have improvised, I'm sure.

Yes. You saw that right. I just turned drinking, overmedication, ordinance and the curse of womanhood--nay, one curse of womanhood, into a happy thing. Hormones are multifaceted you know. How do I know? I know because now we are going to throw in Marines and philanthropy and me bossing you around in here 'cause this post isn't twisted enough!

Speaking of twisted. Let's talk Marines.

I have found in doing milsupport, that Marines, or any outfit out on the tip of the spear actually share some commonalities. (Gimme a break Mike, I said SOME. Don't get your cammies in a bunch.) I'm more reluctant to talk about other service branches since I have far less experience with those particular animals. I was probably drinking and on some sort of OTC concoction when I thought to myself. "Self, which branch should we pick to lay our good graces on?" Course, Dad being a Marine and all kinda made it a no brainer though there was my own Army family background to consider. But again, I digress.

I'm steeped in female hormones remember? Whaddaya want from me?

Here are some commonalities as I see them. Your mileage may vary.

They aren't going to tell you much. These folks out sweating their asses off in 80 pds of gear and sand it will take several years to divest themselves of completely won't tell their mothers much more than they and their buddies are ok and good to go most times so don't expect them to say more than that to you. Self/unit reliance is interwined and hammered into their brains at their Marine birth. All other births are immaterial. If they say anything at all if you get into contact, you are one lucky supporter. In the three years I've worked support I have half a dozen people I still stay in contact with. With this project we have taken care of over 300. I leave you to do the math. It was my worst subject.

They live in a kind of groundhog day situation and have no sense of time the way you do. Day of the week, holiday, weekend are not relevant where they are. Date your letters. Just because you send them chronologically doesn't mean they get them that way. Which reminds me. Learn about where they are. It's called the internet. Use it. It's amazing what you can learn about your adoptee, even if he or she never mutters a written or electronic word. A couple of lines on a message board about how power strips were a big ticket item for a particualr FOB made for some well received packages with a Heavy Mechanic Marines shop.

They already have their friends at home and their buddies there. Help if you like, but it doesn't make you best friends.

Things falling through, not going as planned or blossoming into the standard issued clusterf***s are expected by most in the military. Their expectations are fairly low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you say you will do. If you don't follow through throughout their deployment, congratulations, you just helped lower their expectations even further and that they didn't sign on for.

Don't wait to do the perfect letter or package!!!

Put a box under your desk at work or on the counter in the kitchen or by the table where you dump your keys and cell.Wherever. When you see something that makes you smile get it and throw it in box. Don't overthink it. What if they think you're weird?

Two thoughts on that. One, you probably are. So what? Two, if you weren't you wouldn't be worried about what a stranger 7000 miles away who will prolly never stop what they are doing long enough to say hi anyway thinks about you anyway. Keeping themselves and their buddies alive, staying hydrated, unblown up or shot and focused on the mission at hand kinda takes precedent over them forming an opinion about you.

Okay I know there's more, but I think I'll leave it go and step down off my soapbox. I'd like to address one other thing though.

Poor you say? Don't know if you can afford it?

Half-Price Books and stores like it sell magazines for pennies on the dollar. Your adoptee won't care if the magazine is a couple of months old, they care if it's a magazine about how to store breastmilk. Just pick stuff with guns, hot chicks, sports, fighting, martial arts, cars, hunting or fishing on the cover and your good to go. What? Worried about the stereotyping here? Get over it. Keep your audience in mind. Mostly men, between 18 and 25 who said to themselves one day. "Hmmm I think I'll join the service. They'll let me play with ammo and wear camouflage."

Dub morning radio or some TV. Jackass, Girls next Door, Battlestar Galactica,Heroes, Southland,Pimp My Ride that late Saturday night airing of Road Warrior, UFC, MMA, anything on Versus or any other man channel for that matter. For what you buy a Starbuck's Chai Latte Grande you can drop a burned DVD in a gift card-letter sized envelope, throw in some smart ass rendition of the top reasons why a kid and terrorist are alike into a letter four times. And the DVD at the very least is the kind of thing they can share with their buddies and trade for other things after they have watched it a hundred times.

Be consistent.

Be Persistent.

Keep asking them to tell you what you can send even though you probably won't hear about it unless you get lucky with some outfits and some irrascible congenial Point of Contact shows some mercy caves and gives the gouge out of desperate need for peace from a pain in the ass supporter love for his men.

When they don't, just send them a nice fluffy Big Bird sweater or some Hello Kitty shower shoes.

Sooner or later you'll hear back or about what you sent.

And if you never do, it won't make the stories they tell about their crazy milsupporter any less likely.

We were supposed to go to Dallas yesterday, but wound up with car trouble so we came back late last night.

I'll get on with a 4 children in a stationwagon post later. Timing is off-- too many deadlines and irons in the fire at the moment.

Let's just say for now that when the kids weren't peeling the skin off my eardrums with:
"Are we there yets?,
"Aww man, do we have to go homes?
I hate this stupid cars"

(in that order)

and just after I strapped them all the the ski rack,

I had time to ruminate about whether this milproject is going to get funded or not. I thought about it waaaaay too much.

I got home and immediately jumped online to see if someone had left word...surely after being gone all day there'd be a good chance of word.

NOPE.
Damn.

Late in the evening, I mentioned the aggravation to a more pragmatic friend who slapped my white knuckled hands away and said,
"Did you do everything you could?
Alright then,it's out of your hands.
Go Jesus!"

Go Jesus.

It cracked me up.

and I needed a good laugh.

Man, I can get wound up.

There.
The secret's out.

Oh yeah and...
GO JESUS!!!