I've been sulking.
A prepubescent had nothing on me.
Seems I qualify.
If I am so inclined, I can show up at the hotel tonight and go in for my physical in the morning.
But no.
After mindfucking myself to death I've decided I'm not going to go.
I'll have to call in a little while and let the recruiter know.
I'm good to go for the most part.
I really wanted to accept this opportunity. Packing up and joining the fray, pushing myself, seeing what I could do if I took myself out on the highway and opened her up a bit. Pretty damn enticing especially after believing for so long that a career in the military was no longer an option after giving it up the first time.
Great idea for me.
Not so good for the fam.
Seems I have one of those.
A big one.
One I was in on the making of, so having been yanked around the country close to twenty times myself growing up and in the interest of protecting a somewhat fragile marriage, I'm standing down on the Army.Again.
I'm not happy about it this time.
But if I did it,they would't be happy about it.
So.
Grad school?
Contracting?
Porn star?
Today, I have no idea--
Maybe I will tomorrow.
Porn star is prolly out though.
I think I'm allergic to latex.
Castra Praetoria
America's 1st Sgt. in the 21st Century
Feed It!
Valor IT
What are you waiting for? Go buy a tshirt!
About Me
Latest Read
West is a very thorough historian and descriptive writer. Being the civilian I am, I tend to use a map and keep a short, ongoing set of notes to manage the military vernacular, but it's very worth it if you want to understand what really happened at the beginning of the Iraqi war and what transpired there and here politically since which brings us to this point.
One Marine's View
Major Pain is an active duty Marine officer dedicated to his Marines and their well being. Another great blog read.
Former Marine, outstanding patriot, husband, father. Good read!
War on Terror News
This is a source for news on our current conflicts, the War On Terror, including both Iraq and Afghanistan.
Ordinary people.Extraordinary deeds.
Become a Member of the National Museum of Americans in Wartime\ Grand Opening: Veterans' Day 2012 Membership Drive: NOW Check out the website! Guaranteed to be one of the best Tributes to Our Troops and their Supporters to date.
Gratitude Campaign
11 comments:
You know what though? You didn't just sit and wonder what could have been. Nope! You jumped in and found out what could be!
That requires guts!
Wow Hope. You are one brave woman.
Brave for considering re-enlisting, yes.
But mostly brave for standing back, looking at your life around you, and choosing to do right by your family.
You're meant for something bigger. It'll come to you. Maybe just not right now.
Part of what sucks about being a grown up is making grown up decisions. And putting family first is a grown up decision.
You did the right thing, because it is what is good for you and your family. There is something in the cards for you Hope. It will come along and find you. Dont worry about that. If you were enlisted, who would send Mike brownies afterall? he he he Seriously though, it does suck to be a grown up sometimes, but this can limit some of that therapy for the kids in the future. Love you!
Dana--yeah and at least a few days to lick my wounds. I kinda wish I didn't know it was possible.
T--I don't have a brave bone in my body, but I appreciate the support.
Jay--Sucks is the operative word here.
LG--I'm sure Mike is happy the Army won't be cutting into his brownie action, true enough. Sgt. Grumpy gave him enough consternation.
You know, in order to hold your family together and keep them happy, you have to keep yourself happy too. The body's not happy if the hearts not happy, right?
Hope,
I sincerely respect your choice to put your family first. Sometimes we get to do what we want to do and other times we do what we have to do. Best wishes for whatever path you choose in the future. Personally I think being a good mother would be the most fulfilling career path but what do I know?
Red--one would think so, wouldn't they? I mean it's a popular thought, sentiment, foundation, truth, mindset. It is.
It's not PC to say a woman can't do what a man does, or that she is raised differently, with a different set of expectations by and of her, but it's the truth.
One thing I AM doing anymore is feeling guilty for not embracing any of these ideas for myself as carte blanche as I used to embrace them.
Am I a good mother? I don't know. I hope so. But motherhood is not enough of a definiton for me anymore. Being someone and making decisiions soley as a function of who I am to another is becoming increasingly difficult to justify.
I won't say that wanting more and finding a place for this inner drive that ignoring seems to only be feeding, doesn't make me feel guilty. I drank the koolaid same as all the other mamas, whether I want to admit it or not at times. I did or I wouldn't feel guilty about wanting to redefine things for myself.
I have never been one to go along with the status quo. People I know, now at their PC or with laptops in hand and reading this are probably sending in a collective snort at that one. ha.
I'll do what I need to do one way or the other, I just hope it's for the right reasons.
Porn Star?!?!?!?
I have to agree with Dana. You gave it a shot. That's more than most people do these days.
Now lets not be too hasty in giving up on that porn star thing. There are so many ways you can serve your countrymen besides being in the Army, and that seems like a great way to me.
I am also a firm believer that one must do what one needs to do to make their life meaningful and fulfilled. Choosing your family over your own desires is as brave a sacrifice as anything I have ever seen. You are wanted and needed at home, but if you decide to go on the little screen, I won't mind either.
You wanted it. You considered it. You explored it.
And now that it isn't to be, you get to take the next path.