Backstory....

In the last three or four months (friends who know me in real time may beg to differ as comments may soon show here) I have been in this perpetual "spoiling for a fight" mode. If the chip on my shoulder WERE to fall off I think it could flatten a small import. The penchant to fix situations and beat stupid people down is palpable somedays. Therapy is out of the question---no coupons for that kind of thing.

This general attitude has required so much self control I keep wondering if sooner or later I'll trip up and be demanding my right to a phone call and needing someone to come down and bail me out--well..for the most part. I don't know what it is...I have been impatient and driven and sleepless. Anyway...given my present state I LOVE when someone wants to throw down in my extra stable moments.
Case in point.
I am a avid couponer. I have a Saturday store circuit I run which is what was I doing yesterday.

First I ran into trouble at Target...my first time to have a problem there. Since it was a 50 dollar problem, uhhh yeah!!!-- I ventured over to customer service (usually a contradiction in terms). My bill had been about 250 bucks, but I knew it should have been more like 40. No matter-- the clerk won't be able to handle it at the register and the people in line behind me were over their curiosity at how much the total was dropping so I thought it best to move along before they tried to slam my head between of couple of their baskets.

I go to the Target counter and tell them that I want to go through my ticket, because something is WRONG. The ticket is about 5 feet long and so the woman looks at me like she's waiting for a punch line. In the meantime I am whipping out my calculator and putting my elbows on the counter in front of her.

Her expression goes from bemusement to ohshitment.

Lots of "hmmms" "ah has", "I sees" and "wells" follow as I start my spiel.

"Um well, ma'am, Target's computers register every coupon and your bill was 250.00 and with coupons it's 89.00. That is really good."

"Umm thanks, you can call me Hope by the way, but it should be about 40.00..(looking at her name tag), Lori.

Blank stare from Lori.

" O....kay...(backing away)...I..think.. I need to get someone else on this."

Lori scurries over to Tall Scary Mama With Braids

Whispering loud enough for me to hear.

"This lady just saved like 160.00 with coupons and says her bill should be like 40 or something. I told her yada yada yada blah blah blah. "

TSMWB comes over and feigning short term memory loss or perhaps some magnanimous ploy to see if I change my story says, "Can I help you? What seems to be the problem?"

"No problem. I would just like you all to run this ticket again because it is wrong."

Wrong?

"Yup. Wrong."

"Well ma'am we are very busy today."

(Ahhhh I can feel the throw down coming from a mile away, but I am not feeling especially aggressive. I have been shopping my A game all day alone. My care packages to my devil dogs in Iraq are going to be killer and so are the donations for Chronicle House. I'm feeling magnanimous, too. I think I'll just play this Smilingly Stubborn today.)

"Ok. I'll wait."

"Ummm,"says TSMWB.
Well, I'll have to go get your coupons from the checker's drawer...sigh... what register were you on?"

"I don't know. Check the ticket."

"Sigh, where's the ticket. Do you have it?"

"No.
You have it in your hand."

"Oh."

"No it's okay.
(Smile)
I don't mind.
I can wait.
Where would you like me to stand?"

"Well ma'am, we will have to audit this ticket and the computers are slow..."

"Yeah, I know," pointing to her helper with my hand up by my shoulder , "she mentioned you were swamped, but see I have four vomiting children at home with their Dad and about a 50 dollar mistake on that ticket you are holding.( Wrinkling my nose, another grin...)--I can wait."

TSMWB raises her eyebrows at me. I know she was hoping for some sort of flack that would demand some attitude on her part, but it just didn't come. Her shoulders kind of relaxed. She got on her radio moved some checkers around, called for help and crooked her finger at me to another register to one side.

An hour later we were done. My bill came to $38.90.

I found out TSMWB has 3 kids, is working towards her criminal justice degree, her boss LOVES her, no way would she move to the new Target they are opening in a nearby town and hell yes, she would love some coupons.

I walked out of there hit two more stores, where I got paid .08 and .52 respectively to take my groceries out of the store. I was feeling pretty freaking smug and then lest my britches get too big the universe worked it out for me.

Someone stole my wallet.