It has been one of those days that rises and falls so slowly you don't realize it has until you turn to look where you have been, see the terrain you traversed and appreciate a different horizon.
My children especially my oldest and third born have been bickering and unkind to one another. There has been some group dynamics in the house lately which have made me dread mothering.
Mostly because, I hate feeling like I am blowing it.
Mostly because being the center of the Universe, I naturally have a single hand in the character and development of my children.
Some idiot put that in my pipe early in life and ohhhhhh, if I didn't smoke it.
A lot.
Their discord and my own maternal Kung Fu grip on the Center of the Universe thing got so dismal, the outing they had planned for the afternoon, didn't happen for them.
That's an hour I should have recorded.
Yup.
Right after the words: 'That's it. You two are staying home today' I should have hit 'record', dubbed a few and sent them on to Iraq so my guys could have used the recordings for interrogation purposes. It was biblical I tell ya...talk about 'wailing and gnashing of teeth.' One listen to that and all those jihadists over there would have been agreeing to a new Middle East accord.
So the day happened.
My second born, Ethan, he did go on the outings. My littlest, Matthew, succumbed to a nap about the time it was time to depart so he stayed home,too.Maybe he would forget about park day.
Maybe the nap would just wipe it right out of his mind.
Nope.
Wake up time for him was_not_pretty, but I didn't think of recording that either...actually I couldn't hear. My ears were bleeding by then.
Email got read.
Posts were made.
A yard got raked.
Furniture got moved.
A trip to the post office made.
Things I no longer need were thrown away
Troop donations were sorted into the right boxes
and a computer full of documents got sorted into files.
What has settled into my mind tonight is how none of those things happened without the grace of another person.
Early on Earthmama emailed to check in as I was trying to decide how best to take my Bickerers out and make it look like an accident. A simple 'how are you?' reminded me to check in with myself. Yeah...how the hell WAS I?
My inbox included items which needed my attention and decisions I hadn't made yet, but it also included friends accepting invitations to play, visit or come to a class. It included belated birthday wishes and news of how those I hold in thought are doing.
At lunch most days my husband comes home and today he was prepared to take Bickerer #1 with him to the office for the afternoon before I was able to tell him I had called another dear friend who agreed to watch Ethan, our RNOD (Resident Non-Offender of the Day) at his outing and to bring him home.
Tony watched the other kids on his lunch break while I drove over and had a few minutes to drive and look at the sky on the way back IN SILENCE. ahhhhh.
When I returned Bickerer #1 was raking the lawn and his counterpart was in the livingroom. Cleaning.
Holy crap I thought.
Just so they could see mom with no oxygen going to her brain they went for the Trifecta by not only NOT fighting for the rest of the day, but finishing the lawn T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R, unadvised.
I had to sit down for a minute.
Seriously.
I sat down and peaked out the window at their two heads in the sunshine bent over copper piles of pine needles.
In awhile my mama friend drove up with Ethan and stayed for a few minutes. A few minutes equaling how long it took her to help me move furniture and to catch up on our lives a little after a long week of momminess.
At the post office I ran into a lady who has made donations in the past for shipping. Her seeing first hand how her organization supports our folks across the pond was--well I can't sit here forever trying to explain how awesome THAT was, but I have smart friends and readers, I'll let you work on that.
In the evening still another couple of friends stopped by and while I had dreaded sorting and reorganzing the mess my living room had become from this odd day, having guests made the task more enjoyable. In fact so much was done, the topic turned to computers...well mostly becasue I whined...'Hey Mike, can you help me with this stupid computer since you are here? Did he ever. Man! I am squared away now...I'm too cool for color TV I tell ya. LOOK out, Steve Jobs!
I started a day pretty disgusted with the house, the kids, my level of participation in life in general. Now while tired and not done, I feel blessed by those who have been with me in mind or body today.
The day rose and fell and rose again.
I was grateful for
the walk
and the view
and the company.
12 comments:
Funny how some days turn out like that. Your life is busy, so busy and sometimes you try to be organised and get everyone to move in your groove. Doesn't always pan out the way you expect but it often turns out better. I think you do very well Hope.
amen, downhomegrl94.
*high five*
Hope, my first comment is for you. I find your willingness to share such raw emotion with your readers courageous. You don't pretend to be the perfect, uber-mom. You have struggles, doubts and hard times. It makes you real, relatable and HONEST. None of us is perfect...but the beauty in your imperfection is that you realize just how perfect your life is anyway. If that makes any sense.
My second comment is for anonymous. Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion. But if your plan is to be a jack ass and leave a comment that suggests someone lacks courage, you should probably sign your name. seriously. it's LAUGHABLE that you'd leave such a comment and HIDE behind an anonymous moniker. Your motto should be:
"my plan is to talk about courage until i actually muster some"
HOPE you HavE bETTER day ahead!
i think that it speaks volumes that Hope, who likely knows as much about Mr Jeff as he does about her, is not airing out private details in a public setting to strangers.
Let's talk about strength of character.
Reverend, you have no reason.
You are a sad, confused, bitter,and I dare say, dilusional, little man that doesn't even deserve my response.
Whereas Hope is a wonderful, dedicated mom and wife, and a brave, suportive, loving friend...that you no longer have.
you obviously don't know hope, reverend.
i'm surprised anyone who reads her blog would think she is weak...have you read her birth story?
if you find her blog depressing, don't read it. if you find her manners rude, excuse yourself.
if you really feel you acted as a friend...i don't agree. but we can have different opinions. you can make your comments and the rest of us will continue living and loving life with hope...
peace
Mr. Parks,
As a gentlman I find your remarks dishonorable to say the least. As a fighting man you make my knuckles itch.
Indeed my remarks here are not for you considering that on any normal day men like you are beneath my notice. But since my Marines have received so much support from Hope I figured it was the least I could do to lend her some of mine. The least I could do.
Talking crap online is so high school.
Talking crap online and not expecting people to talk back is stupidity.
Defending someone when some obtuse, ignorant little shit attacks them on a public setting is called being a friend and sticking up to a bully.
Since the subject is obtuse, I'll clarify. Jeff is the Jackass, everyone else is just being a good friend and paying back all the recieved support. Just want to make that clear because it seems as though someone takes a kernel of truth and fabricates an entire fantasy.
OMG ...Some days you're the bug some days you're the windshield...If every day was just peachy keen gee whiz Mrs Cleaver perfect how would you appreciate the REALLY special days? Hopes blog is what it is...HOPES BLOG. It must have been a windshield day for those other "commenters"
The last thing anyone could say about Tony is that he is controlling or abusive. Over the past year, I have been at their home at least once or twice every week, sometimes more...I have been pretty well immersed in their family dynamics...Tony is loving, gentle, steadfast...an awesome husband and dad.
And as for Hope...she is a soldier! She has enough strength and courage for herself and plenty more that she willingly lends to the rest of us as we need it.
Hope and Tony's life is not sad or depressing...it is a life full of family and friends, love, laughter, and many blessings.
I was unable to post this on your blog earlier...
Hope, I am not sure what happened here, but there is one thing I can say baked goods or not, your support both mentally and physically, is a true inspiration to me everyday.
Unfotunately, there are people in this world that are so unhappy with their lives, they feel the need to share their discontent with others most likely because they are spineless and unable to stick up for them themselves in a public setting where people are quick with a tongue or with a fist (as is right or wrong in my case). So they sit behind there computer in their homes or where ever and try to make themselves feel better by being the "bad-ass" their imaginations tell them they are when behind closed doors.... So as for the guy that felt the need to make his penis feel bigger by berating you through your blog of all places, he can take a long walk of a short pier and stop being the worthless eater that has contributed to the pussification of America for way too long. Or start being a productive member of society and do something productive with their free time such as take a self esteem course at the Y. But "I am just saying". Next, time Hope let me know and I will make the world a better place and punch the douche bag in the face!
Sgt Smitty