Note...I have been in a really crappy mood lately. Yeah no sh*t Sherlock...right? anyway...it occur ed to me I hadn't done much shopping, deal building or strategizing. I started a coupon group a long while back, but I had been pretty much leaving it to the other mamas to post. Post holidays I tend to hunker down...I never get moody until AFTER the holidays ...though who am I kidding...a midlife crisis does loom over my head...I digress...

...my mood has improved somewhat. I love a good hunt or challenge-- who am I kidding??! (though I'd still like a word with certain kinds of people and wine is becoming a more necessary part of my evening heh...) anyway...so I thought I would go this route for a post this time around...if couponing or mania is of no interest...you may want to outclick about now...heh.

Dear Warriors Who Tell Me They Don't Want to Put Anyone Out and Folks Who Wonder Just What The Hell Couponers Are Up To,

Warrior:I know you worry about asking for anything and so to put your mind at ease I have decided to give you an idea of what goes on behind the scenes so we can get past all the party manners...life's too damn short.
Curious Folk: Yes, I'm a little nuts, but it's the fun kind...

This is some of my stash...I am a coupon freak and this stuff is the overrun from what I buy for my guys and gal using coupons...Don't worry...I only spend about 0 to no more than 20 cents on the dollar...lately, especially, I have been making out like a BANDIT!!!
The boxes say USMC, but as time has progressed we are now taking care of Army folk, too. I guess for Sgt. Grumpy's sake, especially I should add 'Army' on these...hehe

I have been asking myself this a lot lately. So I made a conscious decision to try to remember from the blur that is my existence.

Up about 4ish--can't sleep these days. I knew this would happen, but not until I was much older. I just hope the bladder doesn't go next.

Read, checked email. I love email. I hate email.

Swept the house. Did you know that a fry from Mc Donald's never decomposes?

Rocked Matthew awake. This I loved. The windows were already opened so I could see the sun rising over the trees and he let me hold him without trying to shove a finger up my nose for at least 2 or 3 whole minutes.

Dressed Matthew. Camouflage and stripes today. He's a regular Gianni Versace that one.

Made breakfast for the kids. Mickey Mouse pancakes. I fought the urge to make any other interesting shapes.

Supervised morning chores (read here...bellowed from the stove to my offspring not step a toe out of their room until they were squared away unless they were considering a new family.)

Wiped the refrigerator down--notice I did not say CLEANED...my HazMat gear is at the cleaners...

Cleaned the back sliding door---it's amazing where a kid will wipe a booger.

Grabbed a shower--actually I have nothing to say here. No one turned on the water in the sink, flushed the toilet or tried to open the shower curtain to demand the proceeds from my sale of a small foreign country. Of course that was inane. Do you think they ever rip the shower curtain open to ask something intelligent or well thought out? Besides Mickey Mouse had them occupied.

Made myself a smoothie. Breakfast actually sitting down never works. At least with a drink if one of the kids sticks their finger in it or manages a drink the backwash is not clearly visible...food is too often a medium which involves clues as to the culprit and the crime.

Explained the consequences of drinking syrup out of bottle.

Cleaned a child up who was experiencing the consequences of drinking syrup out of a bottle.

Blogged then stopped to read others blogs. I think this is when Matthew tried to see how much toilet paper was actually on a roll.

Packed more boxes for post office while alternately threatening homicide, if they didn't clear off the table from breakfast.

Tortured myself oop I mean located 3 year old shoes, made the others find theirs, got them on, loaded them in the car where they all promptly took them off.

Took Mr. Pete some groceries. He's a nice old guy.

Went and picked up inserts for coupon group and dropped off catfood for paperlady's kitty shelter.

Stood in line at the post office and talked to the post mistress who threatens to keep a cot for me in one of the backrooms. Hmmm I think government workers DO get frequent and scheduled breaks don't they??

Took the kids to the library---paid 10 bucks in fines because I have taken the kids to the library before.

Checked email. Fired a few off. Lobbed a few off. Blew a few off. What? We all do it.

Made pizza for lunch and stepped in some mozzarella Matthew left on the floor where he was trying to make his pizza.

Made lunch for Tony. He never says if it was alright or not. I am considering putting out "How are we doing" cards.

Looked for voter registration cards so I could go participate in the legislative process...hrumphhbullshithruumph.

Ate lunch myself. At least I think I did.

Company over to visit and sort papers and pick up inserts. I like this mama she had some good ideas for an individual in dire need of retribution.

Matthew had his bathroom freakout. It seems the boy feels one with his poop. I liken this to labor. He has his poo poo dance, yells,' ohhhhh oh ohhh', we run, he sweats, says, 'done'--which we aren't-- so the process gets repeated 2 or 3 times until his sphincter overrides his will, he turns red, shrieks and it's over. One of these days this little drama will end with CPS at the door with a clipboard and a search warrant.

Intermittently through all of this we did school--whole other blog post and I am just too bitter at the moment.

Packed new envelopes for next week with the mags from last week...I left out the porn and laid it instead on the porch of this one person I know.

Cleared off my desk and threw out massive amounts of paper. Five minutes later I covered it all up with new stuff I won't remember I have in a couple of days.

Supervised writing invitations for Jacob and Ethan's birthday party. Just think in another ten years they will be blaming me for everything.

Went to voting polls so that if I ever wind up a public figure and they want to trash me all they have is this blog and not the fact that I never took an interest in our democratic process. Yup. That could REALLY overshadow this blog alright.

More later. I am going to Mother's Night Out. There are several mamas who have not weighed in on my recent acquisition and public decimation of porn among other things...THAT commentary ought to be pretty darn good and done after a few Margaritas under my belt--- hence it being good and all.

My children's care costs us about 60K. What I would make out of the home with benefits and better hours. I am only keeping that in my head for the time it takes to write this. It has no business in there banging around with all the other thoughts I have so expertly beat into submission.

Backstory....

In the last three or four months (friends who know me in real time may beg to differ as comments may soon show here) I have been in this perpetual "spoiling for a fight" mode. If the chip on my shoulder WERE to fall off I think it could flatten a small import. The penchant to fix situations and beat stupid people down is palpable somedays. Therapy is out of the question---no coupons for that kind of thing.

This general attitude has required so much self control I keep wondering if sooner or later I'll trip up and be demanding my right to a phone call and needing someone to come down and bail me out--well..for the most part. I don't know what it is...I have been impatient and driven and sleepless. Anyway...given my present state I LOVE when someone wants to throw down in my extra stable moments.
Case in point.
I am a avid couponer. I have a Saturday store circuit I run which is what was I doing yesterday.

First I ran into trouble at Target...my first time to have a problem there. Since it was a 50 dollar problem, uhhh yeah!!!-- I ventured over to customer service (usually a contradiction in terms). My bill had been about 250 bucks, but I knew it should have been more like 40. No matter-- the clerk won't be able to handle it at the register and the people in line behind me were over their curiosity at how much the total was dropping so I thought it best to move along before they tried to slam my head between of couple of their baskets.

I go to the Target counter and tell them that I want to go through my ticket, because something is WRONG. The ticket is about 5 feet long and so the woman looks at me like she's waiting for a punch line. In the meantime I am whipping out my calculator and putting my elbows on the counter in front of her.

Her expression goes from bemusement to ohshitment.

Lots of "hmmms" "ah has", "I sees" and "wells" follow as I start my spiel.

"Um well, ma'am, Target's computers register every coupon and your bill was 250.00 and with coupons it's 89.00. That is really good."

"Umm thanks, you can call me Hope by the way, but it should be about 40.00..(looking at her name tag), Lori.

Blank stare from Lori.

" O....kay...(backing away)...I..think.. I need to get someone else on this."

Lori scurries over to Tall Scary Mama With Braids

Whispering loud enough for me to hear.

"This lady just saved like 160.00 with coupons and says her bill should be like 40 or something. I told her yada yada yada blah blah blah. "

TSMWB comes over and feigning short term memory loss or perhaps some magnanimous ploy to see if I change my story says, "Can I help you? What seems to be the problem?"

"No problem. I would just like you all to run this ticket again because it is wrong."

Wrong?

"Yup. Wrong."

"Well ma'am we are very busy today."

(Ahhhh I can feel the throw down coming from a mile away, but I am not feeling especially aggressive. I have been shopping my A game all day alone. My care packages to my devil dogs in Iraq are going to be killer and so are the donations for Chronicle House. I'm feeling magnanimous, too. I think I'll just play this Smilingly Stubborn today.)

"Ok. I'll wait."

"Ummm,"says TSMWB.
Well, I'll have to go get your coupons from the checker's drawer...sigh... what register were you on?"

"I don't know. Check the ticket."

"Sigh, where's the ticket. Do you have it?"

"No.
You have it in your hand."

"Oh."

"No it's okay.
(Smile)
I don't mind.
I can wait.
Where would you like me to stand?"

"Well ma'am, we will have to audit this ticket and the computers are slow..."

"Yeah, I know," pointing to her helper with my hand up by my shoulder , "she mentioned you were swamped, but see I have four vomiting children at home with their Dad and about a 50 dollar mistake on that ticket you are holding.( Wrinkling my nose, another grin...)--I can wait."

TSMWB raises her eyebrows at me. I know she was hoping for some sort of flack that would demand some attitude on her part, but it just didn't come. Her shoulders kind of relaxed. She got on her radio moved some checkers around, called for help and crooked her finger at me to another register to one side.

An hour later we were done. My bill came to $38.90.

I found out TSMWB has 3 kids, is working towards her criminal justice degree, her boss LOVES her, no way would she move to the new Target they are opening in a nearby town and hell yes, she would love some coupons.

I walked out of there hit two more stores, where I got paid .08 and .52 respectively to take my groceries out of the store. I was feeling pretty freaking smug and then lest my britches get too big the universe worked it out for me.

Someone stole my wallet.